


Killing You Softly

by Starjargon



Series: Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: AU, Canonical Character Death, Episode AU: s06e08 Let's Kill Hitler, F/M, Flirting, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Not Really Character Death, Not really angsty, Psychological Trauma, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2014-05-20
Packaged: 2018-01-25 20:13:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1661063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starjargon/pseuds/Starjargon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A rewrite of Let's Kill Hitler, featuring Ten, Rose, Jack. Same storyline. Different companions. Different Doctor. No infringement intended. T for episode content.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Killing You Softly

**Author's Note:**

> I thought this was just a fleeting idea, but it just kept coming (along with other potential rewrites...). This is a rewrite of Let's Kill Hitler, with the Tenth (Tennant) Doctor, Jack, and Rose instead of the Eleventh (Smith's) Doctor, Amy, and Rory. Mels/River and the basic story remains the same. I really just wanted to explore the reactions these other characters would have had in this situation, and how it would have been different in a different era. Reviews most welcome.
> 
> Disclaimer: Follows closely to the original, so all quotes belong to Steven Moffat and the BBC and not to me. No infringement intended, no profit made from this work.

"I'm telling you, Doc, she's one of the wildest people I've ever met. _And_ she's from the 21st Century, which makes it even more exciting."

"Dread to think what you'd consider _exciting_ , Jack," replied the Doctor, responding to his friend sceptically.

"She once stole a bus and drove it through the botanical gardens on a lark," Jack replied, turning to Rose who looked properly impressed.

"I once drove a flying bus," the Doctor shared, "Wellll, first I had to get it through a wormhole. Then it flew," he added casually, still not looking up from the console.

" _Anyway_ , she sent me a message. Apparently she's gotten into a bit of a jam and could use my help."

"Oh, is that what she calls it? A jam?" teased Rose, her tongue poking out from between her teeth.

"It's not like that, Rosie. She really does need my help," Jack tried to insist seriously.

"And just why do you think I'm going to take my precious ship to help out one of your old girlfriends, Jack?"

He held up a newspaper with the word "JACK" spelled out in giant letters in a cornfield.

The Doctor looked between his friend's pleading gaze and the paper.

"Ahh," he growled, "Seriously?!"

Then he looked at Rose, who waved her hand as though to challenge him to come up with a legitimate reason not to help Jack's friend.

* * *

They landed with a flourish, just as a red car screeched to a stop right in front of the TARDIS.

"Mels!" screamed out Jack with a smile as he opened his arms wide to the woman currently exiting the car. "What trouble am I rescuing you from now? Whose car?"

"It's mine," she declared, until they all heard the sirens in the distance, "ish," she finished with a smirk.

"Oh, no, you didn't tell me we were going to be aiding and abetting," groaned the Doctor darkly, trying to seem very cross.

"You told me he was cheeky. You never said he was pretty," she said, slinking past Jack and focusing on the pinstriped- suited man in front of her.

Rose smirked as she caught the Doctor's eye.

"Pretty?" he mouthed.

She looked him over, giving a shrug with a contemplative look. "Yeah." She nodded her agreement.

"And this is the phone box? The bigger on the inside phone box?" She stroked the TARDIS, as though feeling the energy from it coursing through her very being. "Ooh," she moaned, "Time travel- that's just brilliant." She turned toward the Doctor. "I've heard a lot about you."

"And yet you never asked to tag along- seems a bit strange to me, for someone so fascinated with my ship."

"I don't do _clingy_ ," she said, giving a pointed look to Jack.

The sirens grew louder- "And that's me," she withdrew a gun, pointing it at the Doctor, "out of time."

"Mels! What're you doing?" Jack shouted, unable to get past his "friend" to save the Doctor.

"Put the gun down!" Rose bellowed.

"Stop, I'm begging you- stop this!"

"I need out of here, now," she said sideways to the blonde and the ex-con.

"Alright," agreed the frantic Doctor gently with a facade of calm, hands up in surrender as he asked, "where do you want to go?"

"Well, let's see. You've got a time machine, I've got a gun. What do you say, Pretty Boy? Let's kill Hitler."

* * *

"Doctor!" yelled Rose, holding on tightly to Jack and the railings as the TARDIS swung about even more wildly than normal.

"I can't believe you shot her! You shot my TARDIS!" bellowed the Doctor as he tried to inspect the damage through the smoke.

"It's _your_ fault!" screamed Mels.

"How on Earth can this be my fault?!" he screeched, helpless to fix his crashing ship.

"You said guns didn't work in here because we were in a state of temporal grace!"

"That was a clever lie! Any idiot could see _that_ was meant as a _clever lie_!" he growled.

"Are you calling me an idiot?!" she screamed, outraged.

"Look ouuut!" shouted the Doctor as everyone held on tightly in preparation for the crash.

When the TARDIS finally stopped, the Doctor grabbed Rose's hand, who held Jack's tightly in her other, as he shoved Mels forcefully out of the doors.

"Out! Everybody out!"

Jack and Rose were coughing and the Doctor had to double back to stop Mels from re-entering his ship alone.

"No, I think you've caused enough damage to her- stay away from the dangerous smoke!" he warned as he pulled her back, grabbing the gun from her hand and staring at it in disgust.

"Doctor, where are we?" asked Jack.

"I don't know! You know everyone always just _assumes_ I know every room that's ever existed, never believing I occasionally have a day off," said the Doctor grumpily as he glared at the culprit who'd caused them to crash.

"Doctor," called Rose, kneeling by a man on the ground, "I think he's hurt!"

The Doctor and Jack rushed over, Jack taking the man's vitals. "We have to- wait. No, he- he's fine."

The Doctor looked at the gun in his hands, sticking it in his pocket then tossing his coat on a desk. Behind the desk, he heard a groaning.

"Ooh, hello. I see your office and my... vehicle seemed to have had a bit of a crash." He inhaled sharply, "Welllll, who can say who's responsible for what, best to put it behind us and move on- Allons-y and all," when the Führer of the Third Reich lifted his head, "that…"

"No," said Jack, a bit of fear and anger creeping into his voice. "No, we can't have- Doctor."

"Thank you, whoever you are. I think you have just saved my life."

"Well," the Doctor gulped, astonished, "that was…unintentional."

Rose came up to him, whispering in his ear.

"We can't have. Doctor- did we seriously just save Hitler?"

Then Hitler turned, marvelling at the TARDIS, whilst the Doctor turned to an unapologetic Mels.

"Do you see why you have to be careful with time travel? Nothing ever goes to plan!" She rolled her eyes as the Führer began to speak.

"This box. What is it?"

The Doctor turned, looking very much the Oncoming Storm as he advanced on the man currently daring to touch his home.

"It's a Police Telephone Box, from London. In _England_. Get ready to run, Adolf. The British are coming," he added with a smug smirk and dark, dangerous eyes.

He thought he'd actually managed to instil fear into the tyrant as he watched him hold out a hand, before the Doctor realized he was actually pointing to the man now rising from the ground.

" _No-_ stop him!" Hitler said, pulling out his gun as the Doctor ducked. He fired off shot after shot until Jack approached, punching him with all the anger of a soldier who'd so recently fought against this man. He disarmed him, then cocked the gun he'd just taken, aiming it at Hitler's face.

"I'd stay down there if I were you _mein Führer_ _,"_ Jack threatened bitterly. He couldn't help but feel smug as he watched the dictator fearfully raise his hands in surrender.

Rose had gathered the other soldier in her arms, helping him up and putting a hand on his shoulder in sympathy.

"Ya alright?"

"I- I think he missed," the man got out.

"He was going to kill me!" the German leader protested.

"Hitler- zip it," said Jack, training his gun on him while slowly walking backward to Rose. He turned slightly, gun still trained on his enemy. "What do you think Doc?"

"Hmm?" The Doctor gasped, turning quickly as his mind processed a million things at once. "Oh! Rose, take Hitler and put him in that cupboard."

"Why me?!" she asked, even as Jack kept his arm extended, not letting Hitler out of his sight.

"Just do it."

"Fine," she said going over and pulling up the dumbfounded man roughly. "Hitler, you're goin' in the cupboard."

"But I-" she tugged him along forcefully, finally opening the door.

"Cupboard, NOW!" she said with all the force of Jackie Tyler as she shoved one of the most powerful, dangerous men in history into the tiny space.

"I am the Führer!"

"And you're about to be slapped if ya don't shut it!" she couldn't help adding haughtily.

"Who _are_ you?!" he asked right before she slammed the door in his enraged face.

The Doctor was examining the soldier, looking deep into his eyes.

"Are you alright?" he asked, before the man swooned and fell to the ground.

"He fainted," declared Rose, running to the Doctor's side.

"Yeah, he did. A perfect faint," the Doctor said pensively.

Jack looked up at his other friend, concerned.

"Mels?" She was panting, her hands clasped tight on her abdomen.

"Hitler," was all the explanation she offered.

"What about Hitler?" asked the Doctor, eyebrow raised.

"He's a lousy shot," she retorted, before falling on the floor in pain.

"Mels!" yelled Jack, as all three ran to her side, "Doc, what do we do?"

"We need to try to stop the bleeding!" the Doctor said, as Jack placed his hands over the wound, keeping pressure on it.

Rose took her hand, squeezing it in reassurance.

"How bad is it? What can we do?" she asked.

"Keep her conscious," said Jack frantically, "Come on, Mels!"

"Hey!" said the Doctor, pulling Mels' attention to himself, "Hey. Just you hold on."

Her breathing grew more and more laboured.

"I used to... dream about you. Stories. From my mum. And Jack."

"Oh, that's brilliant! What stories? Love a good story. World War II? Defeating the Daleks?"

"When I was little... I was going to marry you."

"Great idea! Tell you what, you stay alive and we'll get married. Is it a deal?"

"You don't even know my full name, or where I'm from," she pointed out.

"Okay, tell me. What's your full name? Where are you from?"

"Name's... Melody Pond. I once lived in... the Gamma Forests," she managed, struggling.

"The Gamma Forests?" said Jack, astounded, "But that's not even on-"

The Doctor caught Mels' eye as she nodded smugly, before she began to glow.

"Penny in the air."

Rose looked at her with wide eyes, still trying to comfort the dying woman. The Doctor grabbed her and Jack, pulling them all the way to the desk on the other side of the room.

"Get back- now!"

"The penny drops."

"Wait- Doctor, what's going on?" cried a bewildered Jack.

"The last time I did this, I ended up a toddler, on Earth. Found my parents, even though they didn't know it. But, don't you see, it all worked out in the end. I found someone who knew how to find you."

"Wait, Doctor- I don't get it," said Rose, full of confusion and fear.

"She's not from Earth- the Gamma Forests are in a different galaxy. But- that doesn't make sense, there are no _ponds_ in that forest, the only water is-" his eyes widened in realization.

" _Melody Pond_ \- Doctor!" exclaimed the ex- Time Agent.

"Shut it, Jack- I'm focusing on a dress size!" And with that, she screamed as her body was engulfed in light, in a way Rose had only seen once before.

* * *

A head of indescribable curls popped up when the light finally stopped.

"Whoo. Hoo. Right. Let's see then," said the voluptuous woman who had once been Mels. "Ooh, it's all going on down there, isn't it?" She admired herself, before reaching a hand up to her hair. "Oh, the hair! It just doesn't stop, does it?" she commented in delight once she found a mirror. "Look at that! And the teeth! Everything changes! Oh but I love it, I really love it! I'm all sort of... _mature_." At this, she turned toward the Doctor, "Ooh, Sweetie, am ever going to enjoy this!"

"Sweetie?" mouthed Jack to Rose behind the Doctor's back. They both turned to face the woman again, just as she pushed the Doctor up against the desk.

"Ooh, just look at that hair!" she said with a husky voice, aligning her body to his before suddenly turning and skipping off to "weigh herself."

"That's Mels," said Jack, dumbfounded, trying to understand what happened to his friend.

"That- that's River Song," exclaimed Rose in astonishment.

"Who's River Song?"

All three heads turned simultaneously toward the curly haired enquirer.

"Spoilers," said the Doctor, shoving his hands in his pockets nervously.

She stepped further into the room for just a moment.

"What's spoilers?" Then, without waiting for an answer, she popped back out again.

"Well," breathed out Jack, "looks like it's going to be one of those days."

"Hitler's still in the cupboard," reminded Rose.

"Thanks, Rose, I'd managed to forget that for a moment," his voice dripped with sarcasm.

The Doctor stood up, pacing in front of them.

"This isn't our River Song yet. Not the one we know. She doesn't even know that name."

River squealed in more self discovery, before coming out with a mischievous smile on her face.

"Well now, enough of that," she said, pulling out a gun and pointing it at the Doctor. "Down to business."

The Doctor looked up at her calmly.

"So that's a no to getting married then?" he asked dryly, not a trace of surprise in his features.

"Not much of a wedding person," she declared with a shrug, coming to stand directly in front of him as she took aim.

"Doctor, what's she doing?" asked Rose, beginning to worry.

"Exactly what she was programmed to do."

"Where'd she get the gun from?"

"Where'd you think?" asked the Doctor, remembering how Jack had tossed the gun carelessly onto the chair.

"You noticed?" she asked, her face clearly impressed.

Melody pulled the trigger, hearing a click and nothing else.

"Yup, that's me, always noticing things. Took the liberty of emptying the gun. You know how dangerous loaded guns are. Deadly even." His voice had turned to mischievous charm as he crossed his arms, wearing a smirk.

Melody huffed once she realized her weapon was harmless.

"Ooh, I know how deadly they could be," she purred back, pulling the second gun from his jacket, which he had in fact already replaced with a banana.

"I know you know." His deep gaze held hers. "Banana's however, are a great source of potassium," he claimed as he invaded her space, plucking said fruit from her hand.

"Why do I get the feeling killing you is going to take all day?"

"Hmm, keeping you from other plans?" he asked, taking a bite from the banana cheekily as he waggled his eyebrows.

"That wasn't a complaint," she said, finally withdrawing the other gun. He held up the clip along with the banana peel.

"The thing is," he said conversationally as he swallowed, "you really could have killed me in the cornfield."

"When we had just barely met? I'm a psychopath. That doesn't make me rude." She turned to the desk, seeking another weapon.

"I'm not ginger. That _does_ make me rude," he said roughly, coming up right behind her, so she turned too close to him to brandish the knife she had gone for, which he promptly picked from her hand and threw behind him.

"Mels- you are not a psychopath," pleaded Jack, showing more concern for this new development than the Time Lord seemed to be. "Doctor, why does she think she's a psychopath?"

"Oh, Jack," she replied, sizing up the Doctor, "so naive. I've spent my life trained and conditioned for one purpose. I was born to _kill_ the Doctor."

"Don't you remember, Rose? Demon's Run. This is why they took Amy- Amelia _Pond_. So they could mould her daughter into this- my bespoke psychopath," He said, approaching her closely once more with all the swagger and confidence of a man who believed himself invincible.

"All for you, Sweetie," she said, before leaning forward and kissing him firmly.

"Hmm. Only River Song gets to call me Sweetie," he insisted confidently.

"And who's River Song?"

"A very good friend of mine," he responded with a vague, arrogant smile.

"Ridiculous name."

She climbed up on the windowsill, the thrill of what was to come evident in her very stance.

"Ooh, Berlin. And just before the war- a city about to rip itself apart. Sounds exhilarating. Jacksy, Rosie, you two stay here- that's the only warning I'll give."

"And what about me?" asked the Doctor, hands nonchalantly in his pockets. "Do I not get a warning?" he smirked in victory.

"Oh, my love, there really isn't any reason to give you one now. It's too late for you."

Just then, he staggered back, gasping.

"Doctor!" Rose rushed forward, holding him up.

"What's happening?" asked a panicked Jack.

"River!" exclaimed the Doctor in realization.

"Oh, River again. More than a very good friend, apparently. Someone's got a crush," she teased with a detached smile as he fell to the ground.

"What did you do?!" he asked, wincing as his body exploded in pain.

"Did you really believe it would be a gun for you, Doctor?" She was really mocking him now. "The man who claims peace yet understands every type of warfare?" He grunted, falling to his knees. "Well, all except the cruellest."

He reached a hand up to where traces of her lipstick still lingered from their most recent kiss, finally understanding.

"All's fair as they say." And with that she blew him a final kiss before jumping, with no one waiting to catch her.


End file.
